I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
