just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
worst night to have a conscience
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
