Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
