Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
