Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
