You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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