I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
