i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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