@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
