ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize