i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Your cock deserves a montage
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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