dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize