Me. At least after what I've been through.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
tell me about the fingering
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