so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
