I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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