I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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