My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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