I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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