Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
