I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
