i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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