i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
