is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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