I'm pants shitting drunk right now
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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