Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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