benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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