Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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