Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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