I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
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