Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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