im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
