Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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