The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
