i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
