Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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