dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
