Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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