Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Everything about him screamed your future.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
bring money and cleavage
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize