I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
