I must be too annoying 4 u.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize