Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
