She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
nutella sex= disaster
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
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