i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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