Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
