Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
