even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
