I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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