2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
