Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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