What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
