are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
