YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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