wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
