You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize