you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
