When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize