wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Randomize
