I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
