we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
