Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he fucked my hip out of place.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize