Fine. I'll sleep in my office
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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